


Dean & Castiel - I’m So Sorry.

by thatmaleclove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Other, POV Dean Winchester, Sad, Sadness, Supernatural Elements, castiel novak - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 15:05:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13484040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatmaleclove/pseuds/thatmaleclove
Summary: Are you sure that's what really happened, Dean?





	Dean & Castiel - I’m So Sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> this sucks but enjoy lol

**_[Dean’s P.O.V]_ **

 

I felt _lost_ . I just… I wanted to _scream_ . I wanted to _cry_ . But I couldn’t. I stood still, rooted to the ground, completely frozen. At that moment, I couldn’t feel _anything_ . It was as if I’d just lost _everything_. Well, I actually did. Except for my little brother. He’s the only thing that I have left.

 

I stumbled to the ground, kneeling beside _him_. My chest hurt. My heart ached. My mind was spinning. I just felt so terrible I almost couldn’t _breathe_.

 

_Why did this have to happen?_

 

I didn’t save him. I couldn’t. I couldn’t save _him_ . I couldn’t save _anyone_.

 

I looked over at his lifeless body, sprawled on the ground, still as _beautiful_.

Haha, _beautiful_ , I never realized I thought that of him.

 

I inched closer towards his body and put out my trembling hand to caress his cheek… it’s so soft. Haha, _why haven’t I done this before when he was still alive and well?_

 

His whole body was _cold_ now. The refreshing, soothing warmth that once encompassed both his hands was _gone_. I’ve held his hands many times: when I had to pull him up after he was flung out by some demon, when he got really weak that one time - I was so worried about him - I sat by and looked after him when he constantly fainted since he was so _drained_ of energy, and also recently, a week ago, when he almost _died_. Haha, too soon? Yeah… oh god. I still remember.

 

_He had a deep, dreadful wound to the heart. He looked worn out. Exhausted._

 

_“I love you…” Cas managed to breathe out, giving me a glance. His eyes looked almost hopeless._

 

_“...I love all of you…” He said after, his eyes now bouncing from me to Sam and then to Mom and back to me._

 

_I hated this. I hated this so much. Cas had been through more than enough. He did not deserve this. My vision became more bleary. I had been holding back my tears for the longest time now._

 

_Screw this. I wasn’t ready to lose him. I never will be._

 

_“Hey… Cas. Everything’s going to be alright. You’re not going to die. Not today. I won’t let that happen,” I tried. God, why can’t all of this just stop?_

 

_“Dean… go. Save yourself. I don’t want my last moments to be spent watching you die,” Cas was struggling now, seemingly fighting against whatever was wrecking him._

 

_“No. Screw that, Cas. I’m not going to leave you like I've always been doing. Not this time. And never again.” I was just so desperate. So desperate for him to be okay again. I flinched back my tears as I held his hand, not letting go._

 

_“I won’t let you die. Please don’t. Please don’t leave me. Again. Please.”_

 

_Cas looked up at me, his ocean blue eyes dreading._

 

_“I’ll never leave you, Dean.”_

 

_And he didn’t that day. I was so happy. So goddamn fucking happy. I- I didn’t lose him._

 

**_Kill him._ **

 

_What?_

 

**_Manipulation._ **

 

_G̴̤̯̩͓̮̤͇̭̜͐̊̿́̓ę̸̡̞̟͈̳̫̙̯̝͍̠̤̍̓̌̑̀t̴̨̨͙̗̰͉̫̱̠̲̙̑͗̚ ̸̺̰́̽͂̍̀̉̑o̸̞͙͕̾̿̚͘̕̕͝ŭ̸̜̪͕͚̟̑̓͌̌̐̆͝t̸͖̲̘̥̮̼̳̜̓͋͊̾̈̈̍̆͐̏͘ ̶͇͔̲̉͛̈́o̴̲̣̼̔̅͂̍̔̽̐̅̅̄̎̔͑͝f̴̰̣̼̱̔̎͠ ̵̨̬̝͕̖̬̉͘m̴̜̯̗̺͈̈́̓͂̿̇͆̑̇̿̕y̵͎̜̰͔̦̭̰̾͌ ̵̢̝̤̲͈̬̱͓̺̞̼̞́h̸̡͉͈̣̠̝̖͕̠͙̰̏͂̔͂̋̿̌̚̕̕͠e̴̢̝͖͇̠͜͝ǎ̵̧̳̪̠̥̪̙̩͇̼̤͉̮͐͘d̵̢̨̲͖̘͓̘̩͙̓̑̌̉̏̃̾̐͐̐̈́̃̚͜.̵̟̌̐͝_

 

_But I lost him. I still did._

 

_Killed by Lucifer._

 

_I was too slow. Too stupid._

 

_I could’ve saved him. But I didn’t._

 

_I didn’t._

 

**_Let me in._ **

 

_F̴̥͐ư̵̡̤̮̤̑̉̔c̷̬̮͉̐̈́̓̌k̴̨̨̦̿̍̄̕ͅ ̶̯̃̑͝o̶̢͕̮̥̐̈f̸̯̔̂f̸̢͕̒̕͠._

 

**_Let me in._ **

 

_M̶̜̟̫̥̦͑̔͆̇͠ạ̶͎͋̊̽͝k̵̨̹̤̮̼̫̯̳̗̉͛͆̔̿͝e̵͎̼͇̅̈́͗͗͒͑͝͝ ̶̧̠͚̯̺̣̿͂͂͊̊ͅi̴̱̥̲̟̟̔͊́͌́t̴̢͔̺̮̝͔̬̆̿͊̐̉̅ ̵̙̗͚͆͊̉̏̅͛̈́͘s̶̲͔̥̮̑t̷͓̮̲̤̺̙͖̠͗̆̓͋͗͘ơ̴̠̥͚̤͎͎̗͙̼̤͂̆͂̓̏̊̑p̸̧͉̼̈́͆͜͝!̸̠͊_

 

**_Let me in, you monster._ **

 

_And I stopped. I stopped crying._

 

My eyes fell upon the lifeless body of my friend once again.

 

He’s really _gone_.

 

Gone.

 

_Lucifer killed him._

 

_Lucifer killed him._

 

_He killed him._

 

_Him._

 

I bent forward, pressing my palms to the ground.

 

“I’m so sorry, Cas. I-”

 

_I couldn’t._

 

_I can’t do this._

 

**_You._ **

 

_“I...I love-”_

 

**_You’re a monster, Dean._ **

 

_“I love… you.”_

 

**_You did it._ **

 

_“But I killed you, didn’t I?”_

 

**_You killed him._ **

  
As my **demon black eyes** started to show.

**Author's Note:**

> you guys still mentally stable? bc im not :P


End file.
